Judging ourselves when we do something we are not proud of, stops us from growing. It’s almost like putting on some extremely dark shades to obstruct our vision. The judgement blocks us from seeing how to resolve whatever the issue was. When we judge ourselves, we are literally obstructing our way into figuring out a solution for ourselves.

With this judgement comes guilt, shame, or any other self debilitating emotion we are so used to feeling. And most times when we find ourselves in these emotions, we are actually resisting feeling them. And with this resistance, we are not able to move forward. So we put ourselves into a whirlwind of judging something we did or said, then feeling guilt, shame, etc, and finally being so afraid of truly feeling that shame or guilt that we resist the heck out of it. The emotions never truly disappear when we don’t process them. They remain in our body, maybe a bit more faded than before.

But what happens next time you do or say something you really didn’t want to? The same judgement, followed by guilt and shame will be there. Only this time they will be stronger, because they were not properly handled the last time you felt them. Think of it as piling more of that emotion on top of the other, creating a bigger pile of that negative emotion. No wonder so many of us mothers feel like we’re sent past our tipping point with the “slightest” of things. The truth is that those feelings had been stacking on top of one another, never really dealt with.

I know I have felt like I “shouldn’t” think certain things when it comes to me being a mami. I’d be a “bad mom” for having these emotions. A “good” mom doesn’t get this frustrated with her children, etc, etc. But by stopping myself short of truly feeling the emotion, & immediately judging it, doesn’t help it go away. Instead, it goes into that pile of unresolved emotions, that eventually rear their ugly head in some other shape or form. But the key to remember is that they do not just go away. As much as we want them to, they will remain until they are dealt with.

The judgement towards ourselves continues, and can get worse if we are not aware of this pattern. Rather than being so critical towards ourselves, it is time we approach ourselves with love and curiosity. Motherhood is the most complex, difficult, rewarding, exhausting relationship you will ever be in. The pressure for perfection will invite self judgement. If we can know this ahead of time and deal with our mental health in a living way, the results will be ones you are proud of.

If you find yourself struggling with self judgement when it comes to your role as a mother, you are not alone. I am here to help, and I’d love to offer you my solutions. This is the work I love, and through coaching, I can share my solutions. Let’s take care of this once and for all, and become the best version of yourself you’ve only dreamt of.