My pregnancy was blissful. From the moment I found out I was having a baby, something almost magical happened to me. My self confidence was radiating. I felt more powerful than I’ve ever felt. I was creating human life.
Fast forward to the day she came into the world. I was filled with excitement and adrenaline having this beautiful baby in my arms. The days passed and our visitors came and left welcoming her with loving gestures. Slowly, I was getting used to caring for her and making our schedule, filled with tending to my baby.
I don’t recall the exact date, but it was early on, that I began to see a shift in the way I was feeling. Now, of course I knew change was normal during this time. But this felt different. It was as though the vision on my life was blurred by that fake spider web you find during Halloween. And no matter how good my intentions were to clear my visibility, the view was still foggy.
There was so much going on in my mind and hormonally during that time, and I had no idea how to make sense of it all. I wanted to resolve this unfamiliar feeling immediately.
I seeked out to talk with my OB during my postpartum six week visit. We spoke about how I was feeling and I received a follow up call from a social health worker. Although I had some of the signs of postpartum depression, I was not willing to take a prescription for it. I was more than willing to care for my baby, and was still very much connected. I knew this was something I would be able to battle on my own and triumph from.
The more aware I became of my feelings, the more comfortable I felt discussing them with my husband. And to my surprise, once I had talked about them enough, I stopped trying to push them away, and simply accepted them.
Other new moms I had brought this topic up to, also confided in me that they dealt with PPD as well. They also felt shame around the issue and never reached out for any help. In my experience it felt as though I either had to take medication for it or I wasn’t “that bad” and those baby blues would go away with time.
I think it is time we change our approach in dealing with PPD. It is an extremely common occurance in new moms, and we need everyone’s support. The stigma needs to convert into sympathy. We need to normalize speaking about it and talking to others about it.
As a new mom, I was given some very helpful tips and tricks when it came to caring for my baby. I had been forewarned about the pain of labor, and my recovery. But what I was not told was the likelihood of feeling so down after having my baby. I’m not saying it’s anyone’s responsibility to warn other moms, but maybe a heads up in the form of a small conversation would have been great. And that is my hope with this post. Letting you know the probability that this may also happen to you. It will vary of course, as we are all different. But what shouldn’t vary is our support of one another.
Talk to someone about how you are feeling. And if you do not feel comfortable because they may not understand or may judge you, send me an email. I have been through this and I understand what you are going through!