“I just want to be happy.” An answer you will hear most people respond when asked what they want in life. The truth is we have been socialized to believe we should be happy all of the time. We see that message everywhere: our loved ones, tv commercials, social media, movies, etc. And because of this socialization, we think something has gone wrong anytime we feel any sort of discomfort.

But let’s look at the world around us. Does it seem like it’s always positive things happening?Absolutely not. There has always been, and probably always be the contrast of positive and negative. And the truth is, when something horrific happens, most of us would not want to feel happy about that. We want the contrast of emotions in order to live a human experience. We need this contrast of good and bad in order tell one from the other.

In the moment we are having a negative emotion, most of us feel bad for having it. For example, your child does something that you feel angry about. But rather than allowing yourself to feel that anger in your body, you feel guilty for feeling it in the first place. So now you feel angry and guilty: double negative. What was so wrong with feeling angry in the first place? Probably thinking you “shouldn’t” feel it. Especially if you are a good mother… so now you are left with double the negative feelings.

What if we approach this differently?

If we know ahead of time that half of our emotions will be positive and half will be negative, we can save ourselves a lot of heartache in the future. Rather than trying to push an unpleasant emotion away, what if we recognize it, and process it. This looks like sitting with that unpleasant emotion. Rather than immediately beating yourself up or reaching for that bag of chips, or glass of wine, or (insert urge here)______ We can simply acknowledge the feeling is there because of a thought we are choosing to think. That is all. It can’t harm you without your permission.

When I first became a life coach, I had this idea that I should mostly experience positive emotions. I knew how to manage my mind, so I should generate mostly good feelings, right? Well, I was wrong about that. What it truly meant to be an effective life coach, was to be able to embrace an emotion that came my way. Knowing that I can handle any emotion and not be afraid of it. I now know an emotion can’t hurt me. I am in control of what I make things mean.

If something “bad” happens in my life and I want to feel shitty and cry, than I do that full heartedly. I don’t try and put a positive spin on it. I embrace my heartache, so to speak. And by doing this, my life feels so much richer. I embrace my emotions. I love hard, I hurt deep, and I never apologize for my feelings. I am a human having a human experience we call life.