When you ask a child what superpower they’d like to have, you’ll get responses like: being able to fly, being lightning fast, eat all the candy they want. And when you ask most adults they’d probably say: being able to control others. Although most of us won’t admit this would be top of our list, we are living as if it was day by day.
Think of the last time you tried to control what your husband does (or doesn’t do)on his day off. Did you nag at him to trim those hedges til his ears bled? Or were you super annoyed with him for having a game on all weekend long? I can provide you with more examples if needed, but I think you catch him my point.
You may be thinking, “but I’m not trying to control him, he just needs to do his part.” Or, “if he’s in this marriage, half the responsibility goes to him.” We can have any opinion we want. But the truth is, those opinions, thoughts, beliefs, any way you choose to describe them, are all YOUR THOUGHTS. They are not universal law that all people must agree with.
This may be the first time you are hearing this news. I know the first time I came across it, I was in a bit of shock and had to repeat it to myself. Our brain puts out about 60,000 thoughts per day. Many of those thoughts are unconscious, but thousands are not. Many times we blame what is going on around us for the thoughts we create. But the good news is that you have all the power to choose what reactive thoughts you have.
Your husband taking out the garbage or not has NO power over how you will feel. Let me repeat: whether your husband does or doesn’t do something he “should” has NO affect on your feelings. You know what does have an affect on your feelings?! Your own thinking about the situation. That’s it! You have all the power to believe and ultimately to feel any way you choose. This is amazing news, because once again, you have all the power.
Now what happens a lot of times is we don’t realize we have the power to control our emotions. So we spend an endless amount of time trying to control the person who we’ve deemed in charge of our feelings. And usually for us headerolsexual women, it’s our husbands. We expect certain behaviors, actions, and reactions out of them. And if they can’t deliver exactly what we are looking for, then we get annoyed! Relying on them to maintain our emotional life is an unfair responsibility. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trust anyone but myself with my emotions!
For me, giving up that attempt to control what my husband would do in order for me to feel good, was the best decision I could have made. Mostly because News Flash: we can’t control others anyway. No matter how hard we try. Our perseverance in trying to control others is a roundabout way to ensure we will feel ok. It’s like you’re trusting someone else with your freshly picked eggs, and you want to assure they are not going to break them.
I’d love for you to think about this idea, and truly ask yourself who, better than you, would you allow to be in charge of those precious emotions? I think you are the only person who is able to excel at that job. You owe it to yourself!