I am at a point in my life where I want to experience disappointment. No, I am in no means a martyr. But I have learned the importance of recognizing my feelings.
It wasn’t always this way for me. When I was first introduced to personal development, I thought it would be so I can be happy ALL of the time. I took from it that the ultimate goal was to always be positive and no longer experience negative emotions. Boy, was I wrong!
In the days and weeks, after having my daughter, my body was going through a drastic change. It was a time for healing, nurturing a new life, and embracing all the love I was receiving. And although I was doing these things, something still felt a bit “off.”
Like most mothers to be, I had heard postpartum depression being passed around. I did not think I qualified as a candidate. Here was a perfectly healthy, vibrant little being, my body recovering at full speed, a loving supportive family system, everything was in its place. But I still had moments of feeling bad…not happy ALL of the time, like my self help studying had led me to believe.
On top of having these negative feelings, I had an immense amount of guilt for feeling them in the first place. So I was doubling up on my negative emotions, adding guilt for feeling bad.
I did not take this lightly. I wanted to immediately change the way I was feeling. I pushed away (as much as I could) those negative feelings I did not want to experience. As someone who had read endless books on the self help topic, how could I allow myself to feel this way? I was disappointed in myself to say the least.
It took a few dark months after giving birth, when I finally decided to allow myself to feel this way. Rather than pushing my negative feelings away, I acknowledged they were there, and embraced them. Some days were lighter and easier to deal with. And on other days, I was very low, and needed to give myself grace.
Experiencing my emotions took courage I did not know I had. The thoughts that went through my mind were painful to feel. But the important thing was that I was feeling them. I was no longer denying them, trying to pretend they weren’t there. The easier thing to do, could’ve been to put on an act and play along with how I “should” be feeling. I had all the reasons to feel wonderful about life: a loving marriage, a healthy new baby, etc, etc. But I would not have been true to myself.
It made me wonder how many new moms have gone through this and pretend to feel a certain way, because it is expected of them. A mother is often seen as the heartbeat of the family. And if you are not taking true care of yourself, it is very difficult for your family to be able to thrive.
I want you to know, it is ok to experience whatever emotion you may be having. Give yourself the space to feel that emotion. Call out the name of the emotion you are feeling, and face it head on.
This life that is the human experience comes with an array of emotions. And in order to live a full balanced life, we need the contrast of emotions.
I’d like for you to join me in sitting with your emotions and truly experience them. It may not feel good, but the important thing is to feel; period.
*Please note, I am not a medical professional. The above is my opinion, and what worked best for me.
